3 limiting notions that undermine your self-assurance

The bothersome aspect of confidence is how effortless and uncomplicated it appears in those who possess it:

That outgoing coworker who never hesitates to speak up and share their views at meetings

Your outgoing spouse who easily mingles with guests at dinner parties and strikes up conversations with them

Additionally, even while some people may come out as innately more confident, at least in some circumstances, it is always feasible to boost your self-assurance.

Learning to be more confident involves a variety of elements, of course. But one of the largest barriers to the confidence I've seen in my work as a psychologist—and one that most people seem to overlook—is this:

Your beliefs about confidence, in general, make it difficult for you to feel confident.

Also read :9 Important things you should know about depression and how to battle it out!

The remaining sections of this essay will examine three limiting ideas that could prevent you from becoming more confident. You'll be well on your way to replacing them with healthier, more self-assured beliefs if you can learn to recognise them.

For me to behave confidently, I need to feel confident 

Not at all, no.

You have it backwards completely:

You will feel confident only once you begin acting confidently while not feeling confident.

It is blatantly false that you need to feel more confident to do something you'd like to feel more confident about:

Want to bring up that dangerous proposal at your team meeting for the first time? Sure, it would be wonderful if you felt comfortable pitching it, but you can execute it regardless of how you feel.

Want to submit your first YouTube video but are worried about how others would react? Although it would be wonderful if you were sure that everyone would enjoy it, that has nothing to do with your ability to click the "Publish" button.

Doing difficult tasks is undoubtedly difficult! However, just because something is challenging doesn't imply that you won't be able to complete it.

Although it's wonderful to have confidence, acting doesn't require it.

In any case, you won't be able to start doing difficult things unless you accept the notion that you can do difficult things even when you don't feel ready.

However, here's the catch.

You might read that and conclude, "Yes, that's true." This false belief won't be able to keep me from moving forward any longer. However, until your brain receives confirmation, or until it witnesses your new belief in action, it won't truly accept it or believe it.

Beliefs are changed by deeds, not by words.

And the confidence that you can accomplish challenging tasks even when you don't feel prepared won't surface until you demonstrate to yourself that it is true by your actions.

Make your acts more daring if you want to feel more certain.

Also read :The 17 best money rules for building wealth over time

Add Block

I am very concerned with what other people think 

As a psychologist focusing on anxiety, I have spent a lot of time with anxious people, especially those who are socially anxious.

Contrary to popular belief, the cause of worry is frequently not dread of what others may think. The dread that truly paralyses people is the worry of having excessive social anxiety.

Not having anxiety is the issue. Your fear of anxiousness causes your lack of confidence.

The idea that it's completely unnecessary to care about what other people think has permeated our culture.

Fundamentally social creatures, humans are. Our ability to establish intricate social connections and cooperate gives us a distinct competitive advantage. We excel in comprehending (and feeling) what other people think and feel, which is why we are so good at complex social connections. Simply put, empathy.

It's natural for most non-psychopaths to care about and worry about what other people might think of you!

The idea that you shouldn't worry about what others may think is what's truly preventing you from being confident.

Also read :7 rules confident people follow

Here's an illustration:

Your partner inquires about your plans for dinner on your date night.

You've had a serious craving for Indian food. However, you know that your spouse dislikes Indian food, leading you to consider saying "Italian" instead.

You're feeling anxious right now, but it's not that horrible. Your confidence is severely destroyed by what comes next.

God, why am I always so indecisive?! You ask yourself, fearing that your spouse won't like Indian if you propose it. I wish I had the self-assurance to decide.

You'll start to feel anxious and unsure of yourself at this point. The cause is that you've elevated your lack of assurance to an existential degree...

You initially merely had some mild apprehension and doubt. But now that your limiting belief—that you shouldn't feel anxious—has been activated, you've formed an opinion about your moral character and personality.

The most crucial thing you can do if you lack social confidence is to forgive yourself for caring about what other people think.

You have no control over whether you first experience anxiety or indecision, but you influence what happens next. Do you judge your character and worth as a person harshly, or do you accept that caring about other people's opinions is common and that it's okay to choose despite feeling a bit uncertain or anxious?

Accepting some early fear as entirely normal and healthy is the key to having social confidence.

Also read :You Can Learn Anything with These 10 Mental Models

I'm not as assured as people perceive me to be

Combining the first two limiting beliefs, the third limiting thought prevents people from feeling confident. Let's recap

The limiting belief originally held back your confidence, "I need to feel confident to act confident."

This was the second limiting belief: I consider what other people think too much.

The notion that confidence is relative is the third limiting premise on your confidence:

Because how confident you think you are depending on what other people think.

This is frequently referred to as imposter syndrome. But here's what the majority of people misunderstand about imposter syndrome:

Lack of confidence isn't the cause of imposter syndrome. It's the conviction that your confidence falls short compared to your colleagues.

Also read :Here Are The Top Most Effective Tips For Fast Learning

 A few briefcases

You are certain that your monthly presentation to the department will go well, but you are concerned that people will "see through you" and conclude that you are not as skilled as the other project managers.

You are convinced you are qualified for the position, but you are worried the interviewer may think otherwise.

When you first enter the dinner party, you are confident, but as you rapidly realise how accomplished and ambitious everyone else is, you start to feel self-conscious and fear that you won't fit in.

One thing unites all of these instances:

Your lack of confidence isn't the real issue; rather, it's that you rely your assessment of your confidence's viability on outside circumstances.

The answer is to fight the need to measure your self-confidence by other people and external standards. Allow yourself to decide what confidence is.

Your confidence is ultimately up to you. Don't assign that task to another person.