Best Predictions for 2023: Musk Kills Twitter, Kanye Babbling, DeSantis Calling Toads

Twitter Crashes, Burns, And Slides Into The Ocean

 Prominent business genius Elon Musk plans to improve Twitter by magnifying all the bad sides of the social media site and banishing anyone who can offer consistent, non-racist thoughts. It failed spectacularly, and the company filed for bankruptcy. Elon Musk is an awakened zombie-thwarted giant who, for some strange reason, stopped buying my fancy electric car simply because I continued to side with insane conspiracy theorists and wannabe Nazis. As a success, he will celebrate his epic failure. Anyone who has used Twitter for years will suddenly remember the joy and live a happier life.

Donald Trump realizes the number of criminal investigations he faces is greater than the number of hotels he owns. Once the legal barriers are closed, one of Elon Musk's spaceships will flee to Russia on board. Despite his move, he continues to claim that he is running for president, and at the same time, he is the president of ISIS because the 2020 election was completely rigged. By the middle of the year, no one in America will care, and Donald Trump will start yelling, "Fake news!" For an afternoon bowl of borscht.

 Shorts Are The New Style

After years of ridicule by lobbyists against this domineering pants industry, shorts are now accepted as official workwear. Americans have finally realized the truth, and a big awakening will make shorts an elegant attire for all occasions.

From the Great Shorts, Awakening comes tragedy. Hundreds of American men will die of envy as the public is consistently exposed to my elaborately sculpted male calves. I mourn her but make no apologies for her. This veal was not my choice. They were gifts from nature. 

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Eagles Bills Super Bowl With Surprise Guests

The Philadelphia Eagles and Buffalo Bills face off in the Super Bowl. In a shocking surprise, the Bills bring in World Cup soccer star Lionel Messi as the team's kicker as he kicks off the winning field goal in overtime. The citizens of Philadelphia are more angry and frustrated than usual, and city officials will be forced to ban football permanently.

Kanye West will shut up once he and Elon Musk are the only people on Twitter. After that, Kanye West continues his activities. Neither does the Elon mask.

The Republican plan to make Florida Governor Ron DeSantis the post-Trump presidential candidate will fail miserably if non-Florida Americans find DeSantis to be an unusually verbal and unnecessarily mean toad. Russia Trump nicknames the governor "DeSantoad," and DeSantis' political career ends.

Long Live Ukraine! Get it together, Putin!

Brave Ukrainian military will resent Russians for beef stroganoff, and President Vladimir Putin will be sacked. Russian oligarchs briefly consider using new resident Trump as a puppet president. Still, they will change their minds when they realize how shameful it is to do what America did. Donald Trump will claim the puppet presidential election was "manipulated." The only people who care are Kanye West and Elon Musk, who use the last two active Twitter accounts to complain to each other about it endlessly.